What do you do if you suspect your partner is having an affair?
If you are worried your partner may be having an affair, you are not alone. Although precise figures remain elusive, surveys in the UK and the U.S. suggest that 25 per cent of women — and 40 per cent of men — have cheated on their partner at least once in their current or previous relationship. With these statistics it's no surprise that if you are seeing signs of infidelity in your relationship you may feel a combination of panic, self-doubt and powerlessness.
Remaining stuck in relationship limbo can lead to a destructive spiral of distrust, grief, obsession and even retaliation; often irrespective of whether a partner is actually a 'cheating partner' or not. It is a sad fact, but often maintaining a suspicion of infidelity in a relationship without conclusion is just as likely to cause your relationship to breakup as is discovering your partner is having an affair. Breaking this negative spiral of suspicion, by discovering and understanding the real reasons behind your partners’ behaviour, is key to taking back control of your thoughts and emotions. With a perspective based on facts rather than thoughts, you will be better placed to handle your relationship and get back to being the two happy people you once were.
We are the UK's leading relationship investigators and we have helped many people suspicious their partner is cheating discretely and confidentially find out the truth hidden behind their partners’ behaviour, gain clarity regarding their relationships and take back control of their lives. We are not out to end relationships, but we do believe living in limbo is something no one should have to put up with.
If you suspect your partner is having an affair, we are just a call or email away. If you aren't ready to contact us yet here are five simple steps that might help you get some clarity of your situation.
1. Make an assessment of what you know .
Let common sense take the lead, not emotions. Try and get clear what it is you actually do suspect. Is it sex, an emotional attachment, a cyber relationship or a friendship? There are many levels of cheating and you and your partner may have different perspectives on what is acceptable and what crosses the line.
A starting point is to focus on what has made you suspicious. What ‘facts’ do you have? Has someone said something to you? Has your partner shown some of the common signs of infidelity? Have they become emotionally withdrawn or started making more of an effort with their appearance? Have things between you been difficult recently? Have you have noticed that they are talking more about a specific person, perhaps a friend or work colleague? Have they said they were working but weren't? Has their phone become glued to their side? Perhaps you are concerned about what they are up to online or have discovered unusual receipts, texts or emails?
2. Collect the low hanging fruit
Becoming a self-detective is important but do not be tempted to hack your partners’ mobile or buy GPS trackers from online shops to follow their whereabouts. This is unhelpful, possibly criminal and you are very likely to get caught out. Leave surveillance to reputable professionals who do it day in, day out.
Instead keep an eye out for unusual receipts, keep a mental note of your partner’s behaviours, call them to check on something innocuous at critical times (I can't find my keys?) but do not get paranoid about it all.
If you find evidence on social media, take screen shots. Incriminating photographs and posts have a way of disappearing, and once they are deleted, they are generally gone for good. Take photographs of bills, receipts, business cards and other evidence you find. Make sure you keep the evidence in a safe place, preferably out of your home. A number of apps are freely available to hide and secure photos on mobile phones.
3. Talk to the right people
Whilst it is true that a problem shared is a problem halved, beware of telling all your friends and family about your suspicions. Remember, the more people who become involved, take sides and offer often conflicting advice, the more difficult it may be to start thinking about what the two of you want to do, if and when it turns out there has been an affair. Confiding in a trusted friend, family member or even a completely independent third party such as a counsellor can be useful to help you get your thoughts straighter and work out how to best tackle your partner about your worries.
Hire Broughton Ramsden Page to covertly find out the truth
Using a reputable private investigation firm is a fast track route to confirming, or proving wrong, your suspicions with out exposing yourself to being discovered or breaking the law. Our professionally trained teams have significant investigative experience and have access to surveillance equipment and techniques unavailable to the general public. Everything we do is legal and proportionate under UK law, we are registered under the ICO and carry full professional indemnity insurance.
Using Broughton Ramsden & Page, you pass your worry and anxiety to a team of people unknown to your partner who can gather evidence without risk of being uncovered, even if your partner has gone to great lengths to avoid being discovered. In return we give you indisputable facts, free from bias, that allow you to make informed decisions and take control of your life.
Speak to us today on 0800 612 6371 without any commitment and in complete confidence to see whether our professional team of Investigators can help you or click here to contact us online.
4. Make your decision on what to do next
Make sure any evidence you have is very compelling before deciding if you want to raise it with your partner. They will likely challenge your interpretation of events and any facts you gather should be as beyond question as possible. Knowing where your partners vehicle has been or having a receipt from a restaurant may prove dishonesty if they have said otherwise but it does not prove infidelity.
If you decide to raise it, choose a good time. Don’t raise it during an argument about something else, when one of you is about to go out or if either of you have been drinking. Try and make sure you will not be interrupted. Ideally choose a public place such as a restaurant. They will be less able to become aggressive if they feel cornered.
Most importantly, try and stay calm and tell your partner exactly why you are worried. Remain calm, present your evidence and give them a chance to explain themselves but be prepared for the answer and avoid at all costs being emotionally manipulated. Usually, we are hoping for reassurance that will reduce our anxieties about being left for someone else and you may not get this. The reality of having a suspicion confirmed by a ‘confession’ may come as a relief for some people but for most, it’s devastating. Whatever happens, stay calm and do not commit yourself to going or staying at this stage.
5. Try and get a clear picture of where you want to be afterwards
Despite the pain and anxiety many relationships recover from suspicions or confirmation of an affair. Some say that an affair has given them the opportunity to examine their relationship issues and they feel stronger together afterwards. But this usually comes after a lot of tears, soul searching and acknowledgement that no one has made your partner have an affair and that by doing so they destroyed the trust you once had which now has to be rebuilt.
Whatever happens, remember you are not alone. Organisations such as Relate and Samaritans are there 24 hours a day 7 days a week to help. A full list of supporting agencies can be found in our support section.